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An unofficial podcast about the Wonka-verse from two people who didn't think they cared about Willy Wonka until they learned a prequel was being made and it rocked their world. You may think, how much is there to say about Wonka, the most forgettable and most memorable franchise? More than you would ever believe. Join us as we count down to the day of the Wonka Rapture, March 2023. 

May 25, 2022

We hope you swipe right on this episode despite it’s mega swipe-left vibes. In our never ending spiral into the Wonka Well, we have officially peaked (or hit rock bottom??) and decided to circle back on Wonka’s love life. We asked the question no one has dared ask: What would Willy Wonka’s dating profile be like in 2022? We analyze all 12 Wonkas and create profiles for them. The fact that this is a sentence is wild lololol.

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3.26 Wonka Watch: The counterfeit Wonka candies continues! Felicia was caught unawares by a Wonka scene in The Simpsons’ parody of Succession.

6:37 A review of dating apps prepping for making Willy Wonka his own profile. A review of the dating profile archetypes.

12:16 Let’s make some profiles for our Wonkas!

29:27 Our takeaways.

30:15 Prequel Predictions. Felicia: Young Wonka will match-make two elders together. Elaine: One of the song lyrics will use the word “rain.”